Which one are you? Most people are a combination of
these, but sometimes one tendency dominates to the point of dysfunction.
The people who like to make things happen are outer-directed. They like to be in
charge, when they see that something needs to be done they don’t wait for it to
somehow get done, they go ahead and do it. They run organizations and head
committees, they want to improve the world, the working conditions of the labor
force, or see to it that the soda machine finally gets fixed. Outer-directed
people speak up at meetings; their voices are heard and their opinions
respected.
The downside to this way of interacting with the
world is that they may become poor listeners, too sure of always knowing what’s
best. They may steamroll over the opinions and ideas of the more soft-spoken
and miss out on important information, expertise, or assistance. The tendency
to take control of every situation means they are often overly busy and
over-committed.
If you are running around with back-to-back
meetings and going to events with no time to reflect on why you are busier than
your comfort dictates, you need to stop, take a break, and decide if this is the
direction you wish to take or if you are being driven by unconscious forces
that propel you. The questions may be: “What am I running from?” “What am I
avoiding?” and “Why do I always need to be in charge, to be center stage?”
The people to whom things happen are inner-directed, they are the thinkers,
the writers, the quiet people who are happy to be on the sidelines, observing
from the shadows, or fading into the woodwork. They have a rich inner life and
are interested in self-exploration. They can take advantage of circumstances,
but they rarely initiate change. In general they do not want to control anyone
or anything.
The downside for people who don’t speak up is that
their ideas don’t have a forum, and therefore they are lost as a resource for
their communities and organizations. They may endure unhappiness or discomfort
needlessly because they miss out on opportunities to improve their situations.
If you are inner-directed and happy with it—happy
to take the time to read, walk, go to a movie, have friends you see, do some volunteer
work—and that seems enough, so be it, continue as you are.
The people who ask, “What happened?” are undirected. They float through life
without much of a purpose. They live in a grey area, not sure of who they are
nor what they should be doing. It can be an uncomfortable feeling so they often
try to escape into alcohol abuse or drug addiction. Some undirected people find
direction in joining far-out political or religious sects with blind devotion
to a charismatic leader—anything which directs their energies without any
thoughts of their own. While it is useful sometimes to let go of control, if it
extends beyond the normal stress-reduction of a vacation, it will keep them
from growing into productive and happy members of society.
If you feel undirected with not enough to occupy
your time, if you are bored, listless, and spend a lot of time just ruminating,
you need to make an effort to get yourself out of your chair, out of the house,
and into the community. There are places where people gather for all types of
activities: conversation, music, lectures, sports, trips. Learn about volunteer
opportunities. Be somewhere and do something with other people.
We all need the three ways of being at different
times in our lives. We all begin life as undirected, then as adolescents we
become inner-directed with identity seeking in the teen years, trying on the
roles of leader, observer, and follower along the way. As adults, we then
choose a way of functioning that provides both satisfaction and comfort.
In our later years, we become more inner-directed,
more reflective, quieter, happy to retire from the hurly burly of having to earn a living. Yet many who have been
doers over a lifetime continue to re-invent themselves: learning new things,
wrangling with new technology, and contributing to their communities.
So identify whether you make things happen, let
things happen, or ask about what happened and decide whether you are satisfied
with your direction. If yes, congratulations for being happy with who you are.
If no, you know there are other choices and so try them out, you may surprise
yourself.
Copyright
© 2012. Natasha Josefowitz. All rights reserved.
