Downsizing!

What is everyone I know tearing their hair out about? Too much stuff: overflowing closets, drawers, garages…. We all need to downsize, but how to begin?

A cluttered home is the single most used excuse for not be able to move by people wishing to go to smaller quarters or to a retirement community. It is time to reflect, regroup, and organize our lives so that we can age with the least amount of stress for ourselves and our families. Looking at a house full of stuff is daunting indeed, we don’t know where to begin, so we just don’t!

Our children don’t want it, neither do the grandchildren. They have no desire for the lovely crystal glasses or the gold-rimmed dishes that should not go into the dishwasher. Don’t feel rejected, it is a different time with a different lifestyle, a more casual one.

I remember the house my mother died in at age 96—she had lived there for over sixty years. It was a confusion of stuff—wonderful souvenirs mixed in with tax returns from over fifty years ago and children’s letters with old receipts. Sorting through and deciding what to hold on to and what to discard was exhausting and painful. Furniture no one wanted, paintings from known and unknown artists, lovely clothes which were too small for me, what to do?

Today I worry that after I die my children will have the same nightmare of dealing with my thirty photo albums and hundreds of beloved books. I imagine them sifting through hundreds of sundry items: the beautiful ashtray no one has needed in decades, the cute wooden penguin from Antarctica, the rag doll I made from a mop…. You get the idea.

We must start downsizing while still healthy enough to do it, or it will be done for us or without us. Why is it so difficult? Every object has a memory, and memories are a part of us; discarding an object is losing the memory. It need not be so. Take a photo and you can keep the memory, or give it to someone you visit and you will see it again. Your discarded objects may have a new life as someone else’s treasure. Have you ever talked to your children and grandchildren about your life, about the history of some of the objects in your home? Many things have stories attached; share these memories, and they will become part of your legacy.

Those who have been able to get down to just what they need or really, really cherish say they feel liberated, a thousand-pound weight has been lifted from their shoulders.

But most of us look at everything we own and feel despair; the task is too monumental. So we postpone and postpone, feel defeated and guilty. I know I do when I look at my file drawers knowing how many useless papers are residing there, and yet, instead of starting to sort, I find something supposedly more important to do.

There are two strategies to help us get rid of clutter: one is the piecemeal way, and the other is to do it all in one day or week.

If you feel you can’t get yourself going, set aside thirty minutes or an hour a day to work, or do it by territory: one drawer today, one-half a closet tomorrow, one corner of the living room the next day…. By limiting yourself to something small and easily achievable, it is possible to break a large task into segments.

If this feels like an endless process, then go for the “in one swoop” strategy. You will need help; your children are wonderful for this task, so are good friends. You work as a team making decisions as you go along. For this strategy you will need five categories:

1. Trash and recycling

2. Give away to specific people or donate to charity

3. Sell (E-bay or garage sale)

4. Keep (only if needed or really beloved)

5. Can’t decide (keep this small and give yourself a firm date to make final decisions or everything you own will go into this category)

You will need garbage bags, boxes, and tags for large objects like furniture.

Now all you have to do is decide to do it. It is a mind set, so set your mind, bite the bullet, and roll up your sleeves. You will be amazed at how much lighter you feel and how grateful your children will be. And be sure to throw this column away as soon as you’re finished with downsizing.

Copyright © 2012. Natasha Josefowitz. All rights reserved.

Life after Graduation

Graduating seniors, know that life is a series of stepping stones. You are leaving a very special stepping stone, that of school, of learning from teachers and from books in academic settings, acquiring knowledge fed to you. And now, you are climbing onto a stepping stone where you will be on your own.

Never stop reading, researching, and asking questions, always remain curious and keep learning. This is the learning curve you will be on forever. To keep learning, do this until the day you die: go everywhere (and I mean everywhere!) and experience as much as you can. Grab any opportunity to travel, look for opportunities to meet someone interesting, attend a lecture, go to a conference, or visit a distant friend or relative.

Do anything to get out of your comfort zone, try everything. Agree to do things you don’t know how to do, and you will learn as you go. Take risks. One of my mottos is “identify the fear and then go there.” Yes, with doubts, a pounding heart, a dry mouth, and butterflies in your stomach, but go and do the best you can. If you fall flat on your face, get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. It just becomes part of the experience of that step you just left behind. If you never fail it means you are not taking risks.

Always remember that no matter where you are—no matter how dismal, difficult, or painful—it is just a stepping stone on the way to better things. You have one foot in the present and the other is up in the air ready to step up to the future. What you learn on each step becomes part of your accumulated knowledge. Everything you learn is transferable and applicable to what you will need to do next. You don’t have to linger on an unpleasant step with a bad job or bad relationship, move on and be pleased that you have put one more notch of experience on your belt.

You are not stuck, there is always that next rung. Some are higher than others, some take you sideways. You may hop easily or have to clamber up on your hands and knees, but your future is there, waiting for you. Seize every chance to learn what you can in these hard times, so you are poised to leap forward when an opportunity presents itself.

While on your journey of both failed and successful experiments, take time for quiet reflection. It is essential to learn from these experiences to reassess and look inward. You will need to find out who you are and how you are changing as you move along those stepping stones. Give your brain a chance to reconfigure and optimize.

Many people will advise you to find mentors, however it is just as important to be a mentor. No matter where you currently are on these stepping stones, there are those who are struggling behind or next to you who need a hand to be pulled forward or sometimes just to hold for a while. Be the one who gives credit when due, who gives advice and encourages, who can be relied upon to be helpful when needed. No matter how low you are on the ladder of life, there is someone below you just as there is someone above—and both are equally important. Be involved in your community—making friends, volunteering, and providing service where needed.

While all this may seem overwhelming, it is not something you do tomorrow in one fell swoop, it is a philosophy of life, a way of being, always ready for the next adventure.

So now, young women and men, throw your caps high up in the air, let the wind catch them and fling them far away, your journey has begun, have a great trip!