I used to read that not expressing your anger, holding on to it, would lead to physical symptoms of illness, so the advice was to vent your anger. Then I read that to express your anger will only make you angrier, raise your blood pressure, and not help to resolve the situation. So the advice was to swallow your anger.
Now I read the latest research, which suggests that the above advice can be harmful. So what’s the real story?
Most studies have always involved men and the relationship between anger and heart attacks. Men who are easily angered, easily irritated over small things, who are generally anxious, are more likely to suffer heart attacks than their calmer counterparts.
We used to think of Type A personalities as those who are always in a rush, who do three things at the same time, who push their way to the front of the line, who interrupt others, finishing their sentences for them.
What has been found is that the only Type A behavior that is harmful is hostility. In other words, it is not that you are in a rush, it is that you’re angry at the slowpokes around you, honking your horn and cursing.
Little research has been done on women, when the first large-scale study at the University of Tennessee looked at anger in the lives of average, middle-class, American women. Five-hundred-thirty-five women between the ages of 25 and 66, working fulltime outside the home, were given questionnaires.
The researchers found that what typically triggered an angry response was feeling that one had been treated unfairly or disrespectfully, not being able to meet one’s own expectations, others failing to live up to expectations, and frustrating situations at work that could not be changed.
Generally, issues concerning power, responsibility, and justice were all the triggering mechanisms for angry reactions.
Older women seemed to get less angry, perhaps because they learned to suppress anger as young women or because they just mellowed with age.
The researchers also found strong evidence that venting anger by yelling, screaming, or lashing out was more harmful than keeping it in. Venting anger more disrupted relationships, creating further problems for both the giver and the receiver of the wrath.
Women with low self-esteem were more easily provoked and saw innocent acts and words as personal affronts. The women who expressed their anger in an attacking and blaming fashion were also more likely to be depressed. Ruminating about the provoking event worsened the angry feelings and was associated with an increase in blood pressure.
On the other hand, women with high self-esteem neither suppressed their anger, nor expressed it, but discussed that anger in a problem-solving way either with the person who provoked it or with a friend, reducing the feelings of anger and sparing the potential recipient from an outburst.
Living in a retirement community as I do, I find that when residents are angry about a seemingly unimportant thing, it may be healthy. Being upset may be a way to have a voice; it is a sign of caring about the way things are done or not done. In this case, the opposite of anger is apathy—giving up on one’s wishes, expectations, or needs.
One cannot write about anger today without discussing rage: the out-of-control feeling that overwhelms us and dictates our behaviors usually to our detriment and to that of others. Rage unleashes cortisol, the stress hormone, which clogs our arteries. Spouse and child abuse are due to rage¾often unleashed by an insignificant event. We have all read about road rage¾common to people with a low tolerance for frustration. Then there is the rage fuelled by political agendas that propel people to suicide bombings, anger large enough to overcome our innate urge to survive. Anger threatens, rage kills.
So to vent anger is bad for your relationships. “Ruminating” about it raises your blood-pressure. So suppress it until you can talk to the offending person and explain the impact of their behavior. If that is not possible, talking about the angry feelings with a friend helps.
But most importantly, don’t allow yourself to be easily provoked. In other words, mellow out, try not to take it too personally, it is the other person’s problem for having upset you, not yours. Remember that when Peter gives feedback to Paul he says more about Peter than he says about Paul. If it’s an event out of your control and not anyone’s fault, blame is not an option. The strategy is the same: talk about it with a friend.
